Maybe It's Just Me But...
Some things in life just strike you as odd. Whether it is something that a person says, a TV commercial or the like. In this column, I will share with you things that seem just a little bit off the beaten path.
7/22/06 - It is really unthinkable what some parents will put their children through. There is currently a commercial running on TV that deals with bed wetting. The first child talks about how they try to avoid dreams about lakes, rivers and the like. They add that they make sure to go to the bathroom before they go to bed. Another child states that her father was a bed wetter until age 12, "maybe it's genetic". These are real children with real lives. If they are indeed bedwetters (and some of their parents), now the whole country knows. If they are not, they are going to have one heck of a time convincing their friends that they aren't. Oh, what parents put their kids through (and vice versa).
9/6/06 - There is a commercial currently being aired on TV for a national pizza chain. In describing their product they call the cheese topping Matzoh-rella. Is this some sort of matzoh derivative? It is Mozzarella; pronounced by Italians as muhtzarella. When I was a kid, Matzohrella was the Jewish queen of the universe.
10/10/06 - I've been thinking about the role of a manager. Far too many managers in the Federal sector have the attitude that "I'm just a government employee like everyone else". It would seem to me that when you assume the role of manager (however loosely you want to define the term), that you have in fact risen out of the ranks of "government employee". You are now responsible for the work produced by others and have become a role model of sorts. While you don't own the company, you have in fact made yourself a de facto owner. I have worked with many managers who would make parties for their units to show their appreciation. Were they under any obligation to do so, absolutely not. People want to feel appreciated, and it is up to the de factor owner, IMHO, to do that. I have likewise worked with managers who took the attitude that I spoke about at the outset; are they successful?, perhaps, but there are many yardsticks for taking that measure.
10/12/06 - Why do some people lack the common courtesy to respond to an e-mail? How many times do you get a receipt back for a read e-mail but never receive a reply? In those instances where you actually get to talk with the person, they invariably state "I never got it". There used to be a sign on the Wantagh State Parkway that said "Courtesy is Contagious".
11/3/06 - Look at the number of people who cannot be separated from their cell phone. I was in the restroom at MicroCenter and heard someone inside the stall talking on his phone. I didn't stick around to hear if he put the call on hold while he flushed. Just today, I was crossing the street with the light when a woman driving a Land Rover (while on her cell phone) almost backed up over me. She overshot the crosswalk because she was on the phone and then tried to rectifiy the situation by backing up (without looking). Did these people spend a fair share fo the pre-cell phone era in phone booths? I wonder if they ever met Clark Kent. But then again, maybe it's just me.
11/21/06 - Have you ever noticed how many products labels say "new and improved" or "better tasting"? Kind of makes you wonder what the product was like before. Tasted horrible before, now it is palatable. In a year, it may be improved yet again.
12/5/2006 - Now that the holidays are in full swing, everyone seems to be so pleasant and willing to go the extra mile for you. Too bad we can't have the holiday spirit year round.
1/13/2007 - Happy New Year to all, hope that you had a wonderful holiday.
1/13/2007 - English is a very interesting language. Have you ever wondered why americans "fix breakfast"? Is breakfast broken? How about "rustling up some grub"? What are you going to do once you find the grub or perhaps more than one, grubs? Doesn't sound very appetizing.
2/4/2007 - When I was growing up, the boards in hockey rinks around the NHL had no advertising on them. Well, that has gone by the board (sorry). Advertisements litter every sports venue around the world. I was watching the Toronto - Ottawa at the ScotiaBank Place in Ottawa today. In front of the Toronto bench were two ads for products that are very well known in North America and perhaps around the world. It was the juxtaposition of them that made me stop and think "what in the world did they have in mind?" The two ads? McDonald's "Im Lovin' It" followed by Viagra.
5/1/2007 - The NHL playoffs are in full swing. One of their corporate sponsors is Luggage Express. Their 800 number is 1-800-ship-bags. That phone number certainly challenges a broadcaster's enunciation skills.
5/21/2007 - The paranoia of people never ceases to amaze me. Among the over 500+ employees that I supervised while with the government was an excellent trainee. During the course of their mentoring I gave this person a progress interview. I concluded the interview with something along the lines of "you have yet to reach your full potential". The employee was upset with my choice of words and asked to have them removed from the typed record of interview. Keep in mind that these were pre-computer days when all interviews were typed on a typewriter by a secretary. After a little discussion, I agreed to remove the section from the interview. As it was at the bottom of the interview, I simply took a scissor and cut it off the bottom of the page. The employee who appeared somewhat stunned by this eventually replied, "how do I know that you don't have another copy with that phrase in it?". My reply, "you'll just have to trust me". Despite what some people might have thought, I never lied to my employees or superiors. In retrospect, maybe I should have. To quote the words from "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", "just giving them what they want". Take your Soma and all is well. But then again, maybe it's just me.
8/2/2007 - When I was a kid, IM'ing someone meant passing them a note in class. These days it has evolved to text messaging, AIM, Yahoo Messenger, MSN, Google Messenger and a slew of others; the only thing missing is Adrian Messenger (or as Maxwell Smart found out the Message of Adrian Listinger, sorry about that chief). But alas, IM'ing is not enough for some people. They have to let you know where they are when they are not at the computer. I have seen someone document their entire time away from AIM. "Went to the beach", "went to a bbq", "went shopping", "out to dinner", "went to the dentist". We are not dealing with GW here, they don't need to know where to find you when you're not home, nor do many people give a fat rat's posterior (look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls). Besides that you have a cell phone less than 2 inches from your hand. If they really need to talk with you, they'll "call the cell". But then again, maybe it's just me.
9/3/2007 - They say that dog is man's best friend, then why doesn't he treat it as such? While returning from the Catskills Institute Conference, we passed two motor scooters on the Cross County Parkway in Yonkers, NY. Each scooter had a milk crate mounted on the back. In each milk crate was a miniature dog of some breed. Now keep in mind gang that these scooters were travelling on a parkway at roughly 45 mph. I should compliment one of the drivers, he had a helmet on his dog. Yesterday I passed a woman driving in the neighborhood with her miniature dog on her lap; yes she was driving. But then again, maybe it's just me.
11/14/2007 - Thank heaven for bluetooth headsets. Nothing like walking by a person apparently talking to themselves. The wireless headset has legitimized a whole community of people who talk to non-existant people. In the pre-bluetooth era, you would look askance at someone talking to themselves. Now you accept it as normal. Have you ever wondered how many of those people are actually conversing with another person? A nice cottage industry would be an ear insert with a blinking blue LED. Pop in one of these babies and you can talk to yourself until the cows come home. But then again, maybe it's just me.
2/01.2008 - I was out taking my morning walk and stopped into 7-11 to pick up some milk. I spotted a familiar car pulling up to 7-11. After parking, the owner of the vehicle went into 7-11 leaving the car running and the doors unlocked. The local precinct put flyers in all of the merchant's windows a year or so ago warning them about just such a practice; some people never learn. Good luck collecting from the insurance company if they recover the car with the keys in it. Just as an aside, the same person leaves their front door open in the evenings; while we don't live in a high crime area, this is not Mayberry either.. But then again, maybe it's just me.
3/17/2008 - Happy St. Paddy's Day to all.
I have been a Verizon Wireless customer since the days of the bag phone back when they were called Bell Atlantic Mobile. After almost 2 years, I am eligible for a phone upgrade on a 2 year contract renewal. Anxiously I went to the upgrade page only to discover that upgrading to the same phone that I currently own would cost me $9.99. I spoke with a supervisor at customer service and explained my point. The term upgrade is generally taken to mean something better than what you have, not something different. Apparently the term upgrade to Verizon Wireless means a new contract with new equipment end of story. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but then again maybe it's just me.
10/1/2008 - "It Is What It Is"
On the heels of "don't go there", comes this latest saying. Exactly what does "it is what it is" mean? Does it mean that you roll with the punches and take whatever life throws at you? That isn't a very good philosophy. This philosophy ranks right up there with Hakuna Matata - which means don't worry for the rest of your life, it's our problem free, philosophy. Unfortunately, you can't always let things take the course that they will take; just take a look at Wall Street. While Congress tries to figure out a CYA strategy with election day looming, the American public is losing billions of dollars. As Barack Obama says, "step up to the plate". Philosophies such as "it is what it is" are to blame for the mess that we are in now, but maybe it's just me.
02/17/2009 - "Welcome DTV"
I haven't written anything in a while, but today is a momentous day in man's technological evolution. Many TV stations around the country will no longer be broadcasting their signals in the analog mode. Roughly 500 stations have dropped their analog transmission and will be going digital. You may say, "so what's the big deal"? For those of you around at the dawn of the TV age, it is a really big deal (to paraphrase Ed Sullivan). Back in the 1940s and 50s, people were squinting at black and white TVs with round picture tubes and tiny screens. A favorite activity was orienting the rabbit ears or roof antenna to get the picture as clear as possible. TVs back then also had a plethora of user controls. Who can forget the vertical hold and horizontal hold? Is the picture rolling or is it tearing side to side? There were also controls for brightness and contrast. Do you have your channel changer (kerchunk) set to the proper number but the picture is still not quite tuned in? Well it's time for the fine tuning adjustment. When all else failed, a well placed "whack" on the side or top of the cabinet could often be counted on to bring your recalcitrant TV back into submission. The most dreaded of all TV experiences was a visit by the TV repairman. If he had to be called, fear of having your set taken out to the shop rose the household to almost a panic state. Everyone in the neighborhood knew that he was a TV repairman even if he came by an "unmarked" car; the TV tube caddy was a dead giveaway. If you were lucky, you escaped with only a tube replacement. If you were unlucky, the chassis was removed from the cabinet and taken back to "the shop", where it could be operated on by a technician with the skills of a surgeon. As they say, every cloud must have a silver lining. With the chassis removed from the cabinet, it was now time for you to star in your own TV show. You could go behind the cabinet and stick your head into the now vacated chassis cavity. Were you as funny as Pinky Lee or Uncle Miltie? Many a creative production went on inside those empty cabinets.
The 1960s saw color TV enter the living rooms of many American households. "The following program is brought to you in living color". Was there a "dead" color? Each network cleverly developed a logo that it would display before the program to let you know that it would be a viewing experience. NBC had the peacock, CBS had three circles racing across the screen and ABC (known in those days as "almost a broadcasting company") had a logo which was quite forgettable. As the seasons rolled on throughout the 60s, more and more shows made the move to color. One of the earliest was Disney's Wonderful World of Color. There was nothing like seeing all of those nature films and cartoons in color. But alas, color TV was beset by it's own set of problems. There was the dreaded convergence. If a set was out of convergence the colors would have a fringe around the edges. Getting a set into proper convergence was a major undertaking requiring specialized equipment. Then you had the purity adjustment. Did the colors look uniform throughout an area or were they blotchy? If the purity was off, you had less than an enjoyable viewing experience. These problems were heaped upon the problems that the old black and white sets had. The color TV era saw many technological improvements among them being a migration to hybrid systems employing both tubes and transistors, "works in a drawer" sets which used replaceable circuit boards and the Sony developed Trinitron system which replaced the 3 color guns of the old sets with "one gun, one lens". The Trinitron system eliminated the convergence problems and delivered a picture that was state of the art for its time. Selecting a color set was a much more difficult task than selecting a black and white one. Set selections in the black and white era were often dictated by the size of the screen and what type of cabinetry you wanted. Yes, TV sets used to be considered furniture that had to match the decor of the room, not a panel to be hung on a wall. With the advent of color, the process now included picking a set with the "nicest" color. One could star at sets for hours evaluating the brightness and realism of the colors displayed. Was the set merely not adjusted properly or was it a "bad" set? You would often go from store to store comparing sets to make the "best" selection. Shopping for a color TV became a quest of sorts. For those who could not afford a color set, clever entrepreneurs had a product available. This was an acetate overlay with blue on the top, brown in the middle and green on the bottom. The thinking here was that the sky would be a the top, the ground in the middle and the grass at the bottom. While not an entirely satisfactory replacement for a color TV, these items did sell.
So now we are heading into the digital age. Gone as the problems of rolling and tearing pictures as well as convergence and purity. You turn on the set and everything works. The colors are perfect and the picture is big and beautiful. So have we gone about as far as we can go? Not quite, we now have a different type of reception problem. With digital TV if the signal reception is not right, you will get what are known as MPEG artifacts. The picture will either freeze or appear as squares of picture information. Time to rotate the 21st century version of rabbit ears. I was in MicroCenter a few weeks ago and there was a whole section dedicated to digital rabbit ears. As Yogi would say, it was dejas vu all over again.
Time marches on and so does technology. What is waiting down the information super-highway to replace DTV? Just as 78s replaced wax cylinders, LPs replaced 78s, cassettes replaced LPs, CDs replaced cassettes and digital media replaced CDs, there is always something new on the horizon. Just remember, however, that Ed Norton will always be a member in good standing of Captain Video's Video Rangers. Until next time, nah noo, nah noo.
February 22nd, 2009 - When I was a kid stores were closed on Sunday and computers didn't exist. Our Sundays used to be spent visiting family. My aunt Julia and uncle Jack lived in Forest Hills which was about a 10 minute ride from where we lived. Just about every Sunday (or so it seemed), my father would take a ride over there to visit with his sister. The one plus for me was that my aunt had all of the chazarye (garbage) that my parents could not afford to buy (yes, money was tight). These items included Crack Jack, Fritos Corn Chips, Cheese Doodles and on a good day Barricini chocolates. I also got full use of her TV while my father sat in the kitchen and chatted. Occassionally we would go up to the Bronix to visit his other sister, Ruth or venture even further north to the wilds of New Rochelle to visit his brother Irving. Back then the toll on the TBTA bridges was a quarter. As a kid those were some of the less enjoyable weekend activities, but in retrospect I wouldn't mind doing that again if not forever at least once for old-time sake.
February 24th, 2009 - There is an expression "he who dies with the most toys wins". That has now been supplanted by the Cyberspace version. He who dies with the most Facebook friends wins. The latest thing now is to see how many Facebook friends you can amass. It doesn't matter whether they are really your friends at all; just add them to the tally. I find it really amazing when you receive Facebook friend requests from people that don't even like you. But then again, maybe it is just me.
March 18th, 2009 - When I was a kid, birthdays were a time to "get stuff". I had two aunts who each used to send me a card with a $5.00 bill in it ($5.00 went a lot further then). I remember one year when one of my aunts "up'd the ante" to $7.00. Well that started the money wars. If I were a little cleverer, I would have said that I received $10.00 from one and waited to see what the counterstrike contained. My parents would also give me a card with a present. Most of the presents are long forgotten, but a few still linger in my memory. Over the years, the senders of the cards slowly change. It goes from aunts and parents to friends, girlfriend and then wife. From there it progresses to cards from your child. I have now reached the point in life where I am receiving lots of birthday greetings from entities. Birthday greetings this year included Friendlys restaurant, Famous Daves, Isaacs Deli, Ruby Tuesdays, TGIF Fridays, Willow Valley Restaurant, Texas Roadhouse, Baskin-Robins, my local banker, numerous Internet mailing lists that I belong to as well as Princess and Cunard cruise lines. I was hoping that the latter would have a buy one get one free offer or maybe a free cruise on your birthday. I, of course, continued to get actual paper cards from Ellen, Justin and my close friends. As they say, you have to take 'em where you can. As one gets older, even Internet greetings can make your day. Or then again, maybe it's just me.
6/17/2009 - One of today's biggest stories is the fact that President Obama swatted and killed a fly during an interview. This was captured on tape and beamed around the world. PETA has decried the act and is planning to furnish the President with a device that enable him to capture and release flies in the future. The next thing you know, he will be asking Congress for a 2 million dollar funding bill in order to develop a plan for a capture and release plan for flies. Give me a break. "Einbinder Fly Paper - We Stick To You". I guess you will never him them say "Barack Obama, that guy wouldn't hurt a fly". Give me a break, but then again, may be it's just me.
7/26/2009 - I rarely watch 60 Minutes on Sunday night, but the stories they were featuring tonight caught my interest. Particularly disturbing was a story about the poisoning of Lions in Kenya. As always, the show concluded with Andy Rooney's commentary. Tonight he spoke about his friendship with Walter Cronkite. What particularly touched me was his comment that as you go through life, you are lucky if you have 2 to 3 people who are truly "friends". I have always held this to be true. While we have many acquaintances in life, true friends are few and far between. Yes, we meet many people in the course of our lives, but in the end, it always seems to come back to that small group. At last, it isn't just me.
8/12/2009 - You know that you're getting old when you see and diaper sale at Drugstore.com and wonder if it includes Depends. But then again, maybe it is just me.
1/14/2010 - It had to happen. I received a E-mail from Eddie Bauer's outlet store with the following subject "MLK Day Deals + Super Sale & Huge Outerwear Sale". How tacky. How long before they start running 9/11 sales? But then again, maybe it's just me.
6/11/2010 - A lot of people around here go to the gym for their daily exercise. They are all decked out in their designer exercise outfits carrying their bottled spring water. There is really nothing like a good workout to get the blood flowing. Tell me why, then, that they have to park their vehicle as close to the door as possible? Many of the gyms have huge parking lots within a couple of hundred feet of the door. But alas, these people will try to find the closest possible spot? Doesn't make a lot of sense, but then again, maybe its just me.
7/19/2010 - Here we are at Waldbaum's Supermarket and I come across a new product.
Now most people, especially New Yorkers, would pronounce this BIHM BOE (phonetically). But there right on the package it says Say Beembo. Well then, why don't they just call it Beembo and bee done with it? Then again, maybe it's just me.